Frenchparents Blog: For Parents with an interest in the French Culture

Have you given real thought to what your seven year old might stumble upon when peforming an Internet search for the world ‘ girl’, if she was looking for images of little girls to decorate a birthday party invitation? How about famous cartoon caracters that are used to attract them to sites having nothing to do with the characters. There was an incident in 2006 with Care Bears being used in this fashion on a site showing the bears battling it out…
Among the things missing today for me as a parent on the web is a search engine that would show only kid appropriate sites.

The limitations of child protection software

Yes, you can use child protection software to protect your children when they are surfing, by blocking improper sites. I find this a little cumbersome and necesarily imperfect. It first requires each individual family to acquire, install and configure the software. This is not which easy for all, for financial reasons, and in terms of comfort level with IT.

It also in my view either screens out too much or too little, since it only uses machine generated filtering and has the imperfections associated with this type of approach. Between two sites hat mention the word ‘ Girl’, the ‘machine’ will not know the difference between a site that has photos and text relating to sexual themes and a site that talks about girls education or activities for instance. Unless its truly well thought out, and includes other criteria to help select the proper from the improper sites. But I have my doubts as concerns screening out images. How does an automatic filter see the difference between an image acceptable to a child and another?

A search engine for kids to access the world safely, not a search engine for kids content

I ‘d like to see Yahoo, Google or AOL create a search engine to be used by kids specifically, where I ‘d feel safe sending them. This would not mean only kids’ related content would be on it à la Yahooligans. No thanks to sending my child content limited to the idea a corporation has of child-appropriate content, complete with commercials and product placement. No, I’d like my child to have access to the world, but a safe one, not the real one that we parents access with a Yahoo or Google search.

Common Sense Media non profit tracks quality of media for parents – and they’re liberal

I found a site that partially addresses this need. Its called Common Sense media, and is, you guessed it, out of my dear old San Francisco… Common Sense media has taken note of the fact our children are bombarded with media and that we as families are not very well equipped to manage these various media sources so we keep some control over what our children see and hear. They are not part of the Religious Right either! They provide an old fashioned editorial team’s review of movies, TV shows, web sites, and other media and rate them on criteria like sexual content, violence, commercialisme, message ( what is behind the entertainment?).

Pretty darn neat – and a .org too!

-> Common Sense Media site 

The French publisher Playbac Presse who pionneered the concept of a daily newspaper for kids starting age 5 (kindergarden) in France, just launched (in November 2006) MyDaily10.com, a daily news site for kids 8-10.

Just like its French paper cousin, this is a paid subscription-based service, starting at $8.99 for 4 weeks ( 20 issues).

My hunch is a lot of you would be quite interested in a French language online newspaper for your kids, either because they’re learning French in school or they’re native French speakers who need to keep up their French.

Am I wrong?

Some questions for you:

• What do you think will be the reaction of American families to this offer? Do you think they’ll go for it?

• Where do your kids go for news, if at all?

• What educational sites do you like to send your kids to? Watch for a post up soon on a good reference for sites for kids.

This publisher has about 200 000 old and new subscribers who were ready to pay $36.50 for a six months subscription ( for France). The price obviously skyrockets outside of France because of postage fees.
Quoti, Mon petit Quotidien, Mon Quotidien and L’Actu, which constitute the range of daily news titles covering ages 5 to 17, are also used by teachers in the classroom.

-> Info on the French kids dailies
- > MyDailyTen kids daily news site

The world truly is not sensitive to families’ needs, where no city or neighbourhood has thought of putting together a service for working parents so they can shop easily on Saturdays while their children play in a center designed to welcome them.

True, isn’t it strange this isn’t here yet? Could it be too many men with little responsability for managing children and the household have been in charge?

Why not put in place play centers housed in the cities’ day cares and schools that are today closed and empty on weekends? The initiative could be a joint one from city or neighbourhood officials and shop keepers and service providers. Parents might pay a reasonable fee. It could also be reduced based on the parents’ spending in the area, to encourage shopping.

Who’d win?

• Children: Instead of having to tag along in stores, they ‘d play with neighbouring children.
• Parents: they’d finally be able to purchase whatever it is they need, peacefully. Hell, they may even get some pleasure out of it!
• Shop owners and service providers: They’d get more relaxed clients, and would not have to monitor uncontroled movements from small humans around their precious merchandise.
• Public officials: They’d get hoorah’s from parents, maybe even a statue, and would surely get good press and visibility among their peers as innovators.

Mc Donalds and Ikea have long ago taken into account families’ needs, as has the Cyrillus clothing chain to a lower degree, with their small play area in its chic stores. These companies seem not to be faring too badly, do they?

Looking forward to the next generation finally taking the family out of its social ghetto…

The French are so spoiled. I didn’t consider myself spoiled before coming to the US, mind you. I thought I was paying so many taxes to the government, giving away all that hard earned cash to health care, social security, retirement and unemployment benefits for the unemployed plumbers of our land. But I was in fact, spoiled. Spoiled and nurtured like a baby, really. I didn’t need to think one instant about going to see a doctor or a dentist. I knew I wouldn’t have to pay a dime, and the doctor would normally see me within one to 3 days if there were an emergency. He might even come to my home if I requested it.

France was spoiling me so bad, making me totally ignorant about my own body’s manifestations. If I felt like something was not quite in place in the old machinery, I wouldn’t try to figure out what was wrong myself, I’d just go see a doctor- whichever doctor was appropriate for my illness of discomfort. No questions asked, no money downÖ

Americans are raised differently by Uncle Sam (isn’t it funny the US is represented by a man whereas France is embodied in a woman figure? There’s a cultural tip fur yaÖ). Their health care system is such that for the majority of them, getting sick is not a desirable option. Even for those fortunate enough to be able to have health coverage, the US has devised things like HMOs, PPOs and other Managed Care organizations that make choosing such coverage a headache.
Started out of the sensible notion that managing the way medical care was administered would be more efficient than letting individuals make their own health care decisions freely, the US allowed private insurance companies to handle its population’s health.

Whether in a company or at the individual level, one has to confront the different plans offered by these different types of organizations in order to decide which one will better suit one’s health care needs, both financially and from a quality of care point of view.

While HMOs offer the financial security of low payments, they force you into first seeing a General Practitioner (known as a PCP) before ever letting you see a specialist. This can take some time, so you will learn to tolerate painÖThey will also make you think twice before letting you see your general practitioner, asking you to contact a screening service (called an ‘Advice Nurse’) to help you determine whether you REALLY need to see someone or not. Furthermore, if your time is of limited value, you will not mind the long waits associated with seeing any doctor, be it a PCP or a specialist.

For those with a little more money or a greater need for freedom, there are PPOs. These plans warrant higher monthly premiums but in exchange, they will let you see an “in-network” specialist at will. You will only be partially reimbursed for your visit though (80% to 90%). Hey, this is a free country, but freedom has a price- around $ 2,000- $3000 a year in most cases! So does time. When you see a doctor as a PPO affiliate, you will generally barely have time to peruse the waiting room publications, and will be given ample time to explain your case to the benevolent practitioner.

Oh, and this is only for basic medical coverage. If you want to protect those teeth and those baby blues against any health conditions, you’ll have to choose additional coverage. Teeth are a luxury in today’s era of mushy fries, burgers, and milk shakes consumption, aren’t they?

What was I telling you about being spoiled? I was giving around 10% of my paycheck to state health insurance in France, but boy, did I save on aspirin for those headaches the US system is giving me, and on self-help books with titles like: “Fight for your health” or “The Every Day Remedy Book”. Well, on the positive side, I feel lucky its only aspirin I need, and I am becoming more self-sufficient every day. I now know what a yeast infection is, and what to take when I have a sore throat. (“Throat Coat” herbal tea really works!) If only my grandmother was around…

When you’re an English-speaking expat, it’s hard to find good, fun and educational reading for your children in their native toungue, for ages 1 and above. Here’s what I know as one from the publishing world with a UK, US and Canadian view (sorry, don’t know about Australia right now).Each nationality will tend to be drawn to their country’s publications due to the differences in the English language that are found, whether in spelling or in speaking. I.E, ‘colour’ vs ‘color’, ‘pigs’ vs ‘snouts’,etc…

Please tell these people if you order you found them through this article!

Each site will tell you what pubs are for what age range:

• Canada (ey): Owl publications: Chirp, Chickadee and Owl are their titles for ages 3 and up.

A leading Canadian children’s publisher with a small range. Theses magazines are made with modesty ( but then isn’t that so Canadian?- coming from one!) and subscriptions are for 10 rather than 12 issues, hence their affordable susbscription prices. Paper quality is thin, the content is the primary attraction here. They’re not equivalent to books, contrary to the UK-based Box Publications, which have the quality of the best soft cover books.

Subscriptions for 10 to 12 issues are around $28 in the US in 2007 and $48 to subscribe outside the US.
.

>http://www.owlkids.com/

• US (huh?) Carus Publishing Co.; Babybug, Click and Ladybug are some titles for ages 1.5 and up. They are the result of a merger between Cricket and Cobblestone.

The Cricket pubs to me are the equivalent in style and paper quality of the French-based Bayard presse. They are a A US based educational mags publisher with a wide offering, high quality glossy paper and elaborate graphical rendering for its children’s offering.
Not to spoil anything, they have an apparently nicely operational web site (and ordering service).

They’re between $32 and $36 a year for 9 to 12 issues a year in the US but with international postage it’ll send the prices higher.

Cricket magazines

• Other US publishers :

- CBHI Publishing with mags like Humpty Dumpty, Jack and Jill, etc.;

- the NWF doing nature mags for kids (Ranger Rick, etc)

Others are: National Geographic Kids, Hopscotch, Kids Discover, Boys Life, Fun for Kidz, Highlights…

• UK (you say?): Box pubs, i.e, Bayard Presse UK: StoryBox, AdventureBox, NatureBox are the titles for ages 3 and up.

Very nice quality, glossy paper, beautiful illustrations with long enchanting text. They’re the only ones that seem to allow clients to subscribe from a number of countries around the world through an -almost- single point of contact, the Bayard Presse main site. If you’re in Canada they direct you to the Canadian subsidiary, for instance.
Prices around 60 euros for France and the UK!

Bayard Presse main site ( in French and English): Select ‘Adventure Box’ in the left side menu to subscribe.

Bayard Presse UK

Oops, almost forgot the :

• BBC educational kids’ mags: the Magic Key series

To me they seem a little too educational and not fun enough compared to what I know best: the StoryBox series from Bayard… They’re also usually made of the poor quality paper used by Owl publishing, which I find less pleasing as a parent reading to my children. No age range is specified but they seem to address the young reader audience, ie: 5 to 7.

They have a nifty new magazine ordering site as of April 2007, which should makes subscribing from around the world relatively painless, except when one selects ‘ France’ or even the US among the long list of countries as the country of origin, one gets the message that ‘ Service is not available for that region’. My, imagine, sending magazines across the Channel, what a feat! Not to mention across the Atlantic.

Accross the Channel, ’tis still a different World. A UK subscription is about 26 pounds for 13 issues.

Magic Key BBC

The FrenchParents.net online network is a good place to discuss your opinions of magazines, books, Cd roms and other edutational products for children in English, French or both languages. membership based.

The web did not catch on in France as it did in the US.. No wonder…

Individuals disregard technology and newness in general

Although the French are brilliant at building major technology infrastructure, at the personal level, they are technophobes. Just the idea of voice mail and answering machines has not yet made its way into the majority of people’s minds, even in a professional setting…It still happens that the phone is left ringing endlessly as you try to contact colleagues or business relationships. ( I didn’t even get into government services did I?) Blame it on a latin attitude that’s fearcely entrenched behind all the French’s proud claims of Rationality… I.e, if you really want to reach me, then you’ll have to catch me. Who am I, your servant? Do I know you? Are we distant cousins, or did our parents spend their summer vacations together? If you really want to talk to me, just drop by and say hello, like a real person, someone who really cares about me. I also have little time to work, with all this vacation and limited pay, so I don’t need work piling up on my voice mail system while I’m out having lunch and a tight espresso in the neighbourhood brasserie!

The younger crowd (less than 40) has largely been won over to new technology like voice mail and does not consider the two hour lunch as sacrosanct, but the older, populous babyboomers in France, entrenched in their dominant positions for a few more years, still consider in-person communication as the only one worth the qualification. How do you expect them to use email? Let alone the web!! They decide, however, what their corporations’ web sites should say and do, and which web-based services are useful to them…

The web as a purely Californian and to a lesser degree, American creation

The web is about sharing information, about giving away content, about anarchy too… All those are in total opposition to the French culture as we know it today.

a/Information sharing:

In French culture, information is like a gem, it is only to be shared in exchange for honors or retribution or maybe friendship. but to exchange it with not only ‘le premier venu’ (the new kid on the block), but one you can’t even see or talk to?Mon dieu! Vous n’y pensez pas! So it’s no wonder that major companies’ web sites still lack invaluable information and that asking a question via email is akin to sending your missive into a dark, deep hole where it will land on top other such hopeful missives, only to rot slowly in a digital grave… Sharing information in and of itself is not a French preocupation, unlike in California, where you can’t wait at a bus stop without finding out about your neighbour’s sex change!

b/Giving away stuff:

Giving away stuff…This is what made Yahoo, CraigsList, and other marvels of the web. ( What also undid Webvan and others..) Who ever heard of that in a small, densely populated, and old country where the state provides for those who need it? Giving is nearly irresponsible in such a culture; it isn’t encouraged in any case. The rationally trained French also do not see the benefits of a business model where the product or service is given away free of charge…Huh? And you call that a business? My two-year old could start such a business, but me?

c/Anarchy:

Finally anarchy… California is cool dude. Self discipline and letting nature take its course are two of the precepts the locals live by. The French admire a beautiful construction, well thought out to withstand various contingencies, no matter how long it takes to build. The opposite of anarchy. The opposite of how the web and numerous web sites were built…The web’s a mess, but at least, it’s a worldwide medium, isn’t it? The web therefore still has a very adolescent and largely male user base in France.

Hopefully within twenty years, that’ll change! ( Sorry for the un-Gartner Group like prediction, but I know a little bit about France. It’s not Yurop, i.e., the UK!);-)

If you are coming with children to the US or if you’re thinking about having a child while you’re in this country, you may want to read this – first!

First of all, this introduction is misleading. I don’t mean it’s an adventure to give birth or even to raise a child, (although it is also).

I mean, it’s an adventure to have kids if you intend to continue working, going out, or buying those things you appreciate in the US! That’s because adequate, affordable childcare and schooling are not a given here.

As one coming from another culture, having a child was a no-brainer.

Hell, where I’m from, women take 2 to 4 months maternity leaves from work, employers are severely monitored to prevent laying off expectant women or new mothers, and quality child care centers and nannies are available- if not plentiful. Not so here. The situation may be particularly severe in California and the Bay area, where the economy was very strong and salaries skyrocketed, however, I have heard similar stories from residents of Washington, DC and New York.

What to know about child care in the US:

On my previous posts on what life would be like in a society where raising children were truly considered an important task and where the idea that women or men do not have to do this full time or permanently to do it well, here are two pieces of news:

• One is the YummymummyCareers site out of Canada (my home and not native land)

Based on the great idea that moms who dropped out of work to better care for their children ( and keep some sanity on their lives) may just feel the need to go back to wortk after the wee years of their children (say till age 3), this site offers jobs targeted at them – which do NOT include changing diapers.

Bravo! I don’t know how many years it’ll take for this sort of initiative to come to France. Seems they still think here that once you stop working, you’re out for good and have nothing to say for that time spent managing a difficult crowd aged 0 plus a few years…

However to me there’s a need for this sort of service here too. I had thought of this previously as a way for small to medium entreprises ( or even large ones) to get experts on a regular and part time basis.

These companies cannot afford to hire full time the high caliber MarCom or Finance pros that were many of the moms that chose family life over career development. And those moms may not feel the need to go back to work full time, especially in high stress, big corporation situations. However they’d be highly interested in adding value, insight and expertise to developping companies who need these skills.

• Other piece of news is I’ve noticed the San Francisco Chronicle site has a blog for parents, very humourously called The Poop!

I’d suggested this sort of feature in a previous post, which was actually written in 2000 and reposted here recently and their initiative probably has nothing to do with my suggestion but still it’s nice to see I ‘saw the future ‘? I see the first Poop posts are from July 2006, so I was a few years ahead, ey?

Thanks Chronicle, for being ahead of the game ( and catering to us as an audience) as well…

Have you ever read or heard from others- usually working parents or mature adults- that, as a parent, and particularly a stay-at-home parent (and often a mom), you’re “doing the most important job“? Well, I know that deciding as a couple to raise happy, self-confident, open-minded, and healthy children, is one the most beautiful and challenging job two can take on, and friends and acquaintances seem to think that way too, but strangely, the world doesn’t seem to function as if that were the case? Or maybe, holding the most important job translates into: ” You’re on your own, baby “, or, to use VIP speak: ” It’s lonely at the top“…

The only Job with no Vacation, Pay or Training:

This “most important job” implies that you as a parent devote a significant amount of your time and energy to raising your children, between 20 hours a week to all your free time.
Often times professionals who become parents in the US have to make a choice between what they think is best for them personally and financially and participating actively in their children’s upbringing.
It’s not rare that remaining in the position they were in before having children means seeing their children little more than an hour or two a day, and some find that’s less than what they wish when their children are very young.

What it doesn’t entail, in my view is that you, as the parent who ends up not working or who works less than you’d like to personally, are going to be doing this parenting job around the clock, exclusively of anything else!
It seems like that’s what parents, often times unknowingly, sign up for when they have children in the US. Given the lack of affordable quality childcare and education, all except a priviledged minority are to stop most of the sort of intellectual and social activity they had prior to having children, and turn solely to playgroups, birthing and
parenting seminars and their kids’ activities to be able to have an adult conversation once again outside of their circle of friends and family.

Even though you may be holding “the most important job ” and you may have expected some recognition for this choice, just as a VIP is treated with some deference, you have in fact become the sole person responsible for your little ones, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week- so now, you’re on your own, baby (or should I say, you and your baby!)!;-)

Try doing something else…

Try being a volunteer on the board of a non profit for instance. You have some time on your hands- supposedly anyway- and you’d like to use it wisely by helping a local non profit of your choice as a volunteer board member. Well, if you were that prestigious, Wall Street broker who has to travel from New York to San Francisco to attend the board meetings, you might just get reimbursement for your trip because travel is a deductible expense. But say you’re just a local parent who knows the issues, and has a genuine interest in helping out, and.. you need to get child care for those few hours? You pick up the tab baby! You’re doing the most important job, ain’t ya?

C’mon, I know being there for one’s children is important in this country, but is it important to be there 100% of the time? Couldn’t there be recognition that as parents, entrusted with our sacred task of producing the best citizens a country can have, we are allowed and hell, even encouraged to take a breather, either for ourselves or to be able to continue playing a role in our community outside of attending children’s ballet classes?

Say you wished to go one step further.. As a parent, you have a neat business idea that’d be compatible with your family life. You’d like to create an exercise studio cum coffee house where children can be cared for for a fee while parents enjoy flexing and stretching those sore back muscles for an hour or so…Don’t you have about a hundred people in mind already who’d kill for such a place? If you were that person starting a venture fund who needs to offer a good meal to a prospective client so as to help get those few millions you want to invest for her, you might well be able to write off that luncheon at Chez Panisse as a business expense.
But say you have to incurr child care expenses of $800 to $1,200 a month simply to research your market, make contacts with prospective clients and lenders and search for a location..? You pick up the tab, you most important job holder you! Yeah, it sure is lonely at the very top – especially among the few who do start a business under these circumstances!;-)

Now for the small (and lighter) stuff…

Mobility for VIPs and their trusted cargo:

Try taking a bus in the city by the bay…It saves on parking tickets and it’s less polluting, so given the option, why not? If you were so lucky as to be handicapped, obese or a senior, you’d get a royal treatment.. The bus would start making this beeping noise while the platform would descend to the street level while you royally mount the vehicule. But if you happen to be a ” most important job holder ” with one or more of your precious ones, well, you can : ” fold your stroller, carry ‘them kids up on the bus while holding the stroller with your third hand and those huge arm muscles you have as a VIP and hold on ’cause the bus is already moving and you haven’t paid and no one’s moving to give up their seat”.. ” Oh, and is Billy crying now ’cause you pulled on his arm? Please quiet him down”.

Next try going to Children’s Hospital in Oakland and parking where you can then roll your stroller out of the parking garage. Are you handicapped? Not officially. Are you a doctor here, a nurse? Nope, I’m holding the most important job, you see.. Well then you can’t park in those spaces that are on the street level, you have to go up and then find some way to get down those stairs (there’s no elevator you see) with a stroller and a three year old who doesn’t feel like walking…

It’s a tough job, the most important job they say, although if you were landing here from Mars, you may not know it..;-)

Written on Monday, July 14th, 00:15 AM. Happy Bastille Day – Free American families!

What would life be like in a society where raising happy, well adjusted, open-minded children was really considered the most important job?

First of all nannies and parents accompanied by children would be welcomed with a cheerful “hello” by MUNI bus drivers while every adult with the capacity to move would volunteer to get up to give up their seat at the front of the bus to let the little ones sit down…The bus driver would help the caregiver(s) fold the stroller and the babycarrier so he/she could watch the children and the survival bag with the snacks, the bottles, the diapers, the blanket and the Tylenol… ( We have had our child bag taken from us in a bus while attending to our children….). If little Will is still munching on a banana, the driver would kindly ask the child to put it away for now rather than telling him to get off the bus or throw the offending fruit OUT! (Real story number two).

On a higher plane, newspapers and radios would include in their regular news, the way sports results are blasted out to our ears every fifteen minutes, information that’d be relevant to parents, such as school and day care rankings, missing children info, parents having found a great way to manage their work and family life, etc… I suggest The Chronicle call this daily or weekend section Family Matters (duh), where they would cover the challenges and the joys of raising children so as to inspire us all- and when I say all, I mean parents acting as such, as well as parents as business and political leaders. Parenting magazines can still get into the nitty gritty of potty-training but why are the issues around raising kids, which are so important to a society and are dealt with by what, 70% of the population, not central to the media? How does pro football impact me in my daily life, huh?

Parents with a career prior to having children who decide to stay at home, not because they have too much cash lying around or are just plain old lazy, but because they think it’s best for their children for a while would get some sort of tax break, recognizing their contribution to society as ones whose children, on average, will have less agressive behaviour, less drugs and alcohol use, and, on a more positive note, will be more open-minded, generous and confident contributors to tomorrow’s economy and society.

Getting a few hours of child care would be recommended, if not mandatory, after expert studies (that Frenchparents co-founder Valerie and moi could perform for a fraction of the fee Dr. Steven Rosenbaum would charge by the way!) would have shown that an adult with a normal IQ cannot keep a sane and fresh mind if he or she spends eight hours a day attending to very young- or even older- children. Even teachers don’t spend that much time in their classrooms- and they have people who can talk- even talk back, I know- before them!

Participating in an activity, whether it be a part time job, a cause of some sort, or even a sports or arts activity, would then not be prohibitive financially for many, making society a place where parents would still be visible, active contributors rather than shadows behind their children with no public voice- not to mention pains in restaurants! And where more men would be tempted by the stay-at-home option? Now that’d signal a change…;-)

When they’d eventually decide to get back to work, these parents would be recognized not as drop outs or slackers but as those having taken time off to become more mature, accomplished individual with a richer approach to life – and a knack with handling bratty colleagues! In order to help measure their contributions and efforts, with no PowerPoint presentations to show, here are the data that could be used to assess the usefulness of their work: